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Heck, I’m probably losing interest in someone right now, completely unbeknownst to myself but setting the mind of the poor lass on fire, and not necessarily in a good way.One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately.But somehow, for some bizarre, primal reason, once they started chasing me I just couldn’t be interested anymore.Keep in mind that there’s also a positive motive here.Most non-sociopathic men aren’t out to deliberately hurt women.

Therefore, in the early stages of courtship, people in this age of electronic dating are in Merciless Elimination Mode. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why guys go poof. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run. He’s bored, and he finds your company marginally more interesting than a night of Archer reruns.In the meantime, an endless panoply of potentially better choices are just a swipe, click or happy hour mixer away. If you think this is lame and stupid, I wholeheartedly agree. In my naïveté, I even considered one of the ladies to be marriage material. ANTIDOTE: This is not the kind of thing you can prevent or control. The key take-away from this is that you should not take such vanishings personally.As a result, nobody’s willing to invest a whole hell of a lot of themselves in anything. I also urge you to stop doing it yourself, so at the very least you’re part of the solution, not the problem. In the space of one week, one’s aunt died, and the other one’s father committed suicide by drinking Drano. Now, if you’re already pretty well-bonded, these catastrophic events may even make you seek solace and support in one another, strengthening your bond. after first date), it just blows things apart like a roadside improvised explosive device. Even when you’re 100% sure it’s about you, it’s almost never about you.So let’s go through some scenarios to make sense of this and maybe give you some tools for handling it in the future. There are forces that strengthen the bond between two people, and forces that weaken it. Now remember that in the beginning of any relationship — what we call “dating” — the bond is fragile at best, and nonexistent at worst. Early on, people will eliminate a perfectly decent human from contention as Mr or Ms Right based on the most trivial and even spurious data that has little bearing on how well they’ll get along as a couple. In the course of your brief courtship with someone, there’s always a chance that weird shit could happen.For example, seeing a lot of each other generally strengthens the bond. Kissing and sex create bonding, since you’re producing bonding chemicals like oxytocin, which is why they’re called bonding chemicals. If the net forces bonding a couple are greater than those separating them, they tend to stay together. Two strangers are gambling on each other, hoping something may come of it. I’m sorry, what do you mean you don’t like the Grateful Dead, or hip-hop, or sushi, or my sportsball team, or coffee, or tattoos? And with the length of courtship going from months (see: Emma by Jane Austen), to days (see: 20 their due is only getting worse. As a result, the stress levels of your paramour go through the roof, and your budding romance goes from Priority #1 to #73, right between “start watercolor lessons” and “re-string ukelele.” Here, let me share a story with you: some time ago, over the course of one week I had two first dates that I thought went reasonably well, concluding in semi-torrid makeout sessions.




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In fact, I have to chuckle to myself whenever someone asks me to give a “biblical” perspective on dating.


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