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When I ran into him at a film screening, I thought a photo with him would be the perfect way to announce my pregnancy declare my love for the show, which is about a teacher-turned-methamphetamine dealer.On the announcement, Bryan Cranston has one hand on my belly.“Just so you know, you’ve tested positive…” The nurse pauses there, and shifts her eyes to the floor. I expect she’s going to say something about the whirring machines that have been measuring the baby’s heartbeat, my contractions, my blood pressure, any of those things. “Well, I’ve always been a positive person,” I say, because cracking awful jokes is what I do to pave over uncomfortable situations. At this point I’m 42 weeks, so I’ve peed into dozens, maybe scores, of sample cups.“For methamphetamine.” Relief floods me, and I explode with laughter. That’s probably why I wasn’t even aware the hospital administered a drug test when I checked in to give birth.My everyday routine as a pregnant lady involves peeing on demand. When I imagined labor, I expected to pass the time by stretching on an exercise ball or pacing the hospital’s long white hallways.

“See,” he points at a page from Drugs.com, then flips to CBS News stories about false positives, archives of reports, message boards with anecdotal evidence. “I’ll prove it.” I realize how much we sound like the prisoners who argue their innocence or patients in a mental institution who say they’re not crazy.

I snap the oxygen mask back on my face as she delivers her news. The hospital social worker will meet with me before I can be discharged. During all 42 weeks, the hardest drugs that entered my body were prenatal vitamins and puffs from my prescription asthma inhaler. The nurses, who begin to look alike, are no longer friendly, and we have a lot of conversations that don’t make sense. Labor runs on Salvador Dalí time, and I’ve hit that point of sleeplessness where the world doesn’t feel real anymore.

Child Protective Services will be contacted to evaluate my fitness as a parent. My husband scrolls through pages of information about albuterol inhalers and drug tests.

I have a photo of Beyoncé propped up on the over-bed table, because if anything can inspire me, it’s Queen Bey.

Also on the table is my birth plan, which is kind of like a wish list for delivery. You tell them they’re wrong.” The nurse only shrugs and leaves the room.




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