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“If you’re sober, you’re dealing with more anxiety, less impulsivity, more guardedness and more caution,” he says.

“It’s a lot more difficult.”That guardedness and lack of impulsivity also makes it harder to hook up—which may not be a bad thing, according to Alice. Like every good alcoholic, I still want to taste that liquor. Huysman, locking lips with liquor is “dancing with the devil,” and both he and Karim caution that it could trigger a recovering alcoholic to want to drink.

When 29-year-old Justin first got sober two years ago, he was eager to jump into the dating fray.

“When I did drugs, I didn’t really hang around with anybody so the whole social structure of dating was refreshing to me,” he says.

Indeed, while the cardinal rule for all newly sober people is—hello—not to drink, writ slightly lower in the rulebook, in lighter ink, is a mandate against dating during the first year; while it isn’t found in any 12-step literature, the axiom is both whispered and stated aloud in almost any meeting newcomers attend.

“I know people who are able to sustain fairly healthy relationships when they’re six months sober, but I know others who need five years.

While plenty choose to disclose all when the topic comes up organically in conversation, others prefer to keep their sobriety private, and cite stories of telling potential partners they’re alcoholic and never hearing from them again.

(Which is probably for the best, since being comfortable with alcoholism is a fairly essential prerequisite for dating a recovering person.)Catherine, a 34-year-old marketing rep, says she feels the question of whether or not to tell a would-be paramour she’s sober feels like the “third person on the date.” It wasn’t until her second date with her now boyfriend that she felt a strong enough connection to tell him she was a recovering alcoholic, an emotional experience that brought her to tears. “I can’t imagine going to that level on every first date.

“Some of my patients go to dance classes and cooking classes and travel and are outdoorsy.

“The guy I’m dating is not an alcoholic, and he once told me he looks forward to me drinking again,” she says.

“This led to a three-week discussion about what would happen if I relapsed.

They can consider it a little guilty pleasure.” Emily Mc Combs is the Managing Editor of

Before that, she was the managing editor of the men's site Asylum.com, where she created and starred in a weekly web series "A Woman's Perspective." Her writing has appeared in BUST, Elle, Marie Claire, and The




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