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What often happens is the narcissistic mother and her husband get to ‘avoid’ dealing with their marital problems by getting over-involved in other activities and people. For her husband it might be over-work, another woman, or simply emotional withdrawal.

When the triangle consists of son-wife-mother, the narcissistic mother’s control in her son’s marriage is bound to create marital problems for him and his wife.

From then on it becomes a matter of gaining personal freedom and owning your own love-life.

If his marriage survives his separation from his mother (guilt), he and his wife will be able to have more of the marriage they dreamed of.

You married a man who has not yet separated emotionally from his mother. One very obvious sign is she (mother) will be trying to control her son, you, your marriage up close and from a distance, not long after you’ve married her son.

The message to you, his wife (or lover, if you want to drop the married part) is, you can marry my son but I stay number one in his emotional life. The problem is, your husband has not yet left his mother. If you don’t leave your mother you don’t have the emotional space to be truly married.

When your mother-in-law is still pulling the strings on her son, things can get pretty dicey especially when there is conflict between you and your husband.

You see, the mother who hangs onto her son past the time she is supposed to is expressing a certain kind of ‘narcissism.’ The narcissistic mother is trying to cure her problems within herself by hanging onto and expecting emotional things from her adult son.

mother and daughter owned dating service-9mother and daughter owned dating service-47

Of course this kind of emotional arrangement can get pretty complicated when her son’s wife is trying to get her mother-in-law’s ‘love.’ A lot of people are psychologically immature when they get married and try to compensate for what they didn’t get in childhood (love) now from their spouse’s family. Problem is, it’s bound to be disappointing when your mother-in-law is narcissistic.

I would recommend to such a man that he not get married until he is ready to ‘divorce’ his mother. The plan is, stay bonded to mom until such time that you are convinced that it is time to separate, meaning go off and commit to another woman.

This other woman, your wife, in effect becomes #1 in your new life. And by the way, your marriage has a better chance of surviving if this more complete commitment has occurred.

The two most common triangles are: son-mother-father and wife-son-mother.

When the narcissistic mother has dug her claws into her dependent son you can pretty much bet there are underlying marital problems in the mother’s marriage to her husband.




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