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It’s their job to make time and if you take over their responsibilities, you will take away any foundations that would act as the basis for a healthy relationship.

It’s not your job to convince a person into being involved with you or to make more time because you’re getting into the whole selling territory.

You don’t need to justify those reasons to anybody once you honour them but when you don’t do this and engage in contradictory behaviour that may leave a person questioning themselves and certainly questioning your integrity, an explanation will be looked for because your flip-flapping and backtracking will create questions and confusion, even if to you, it all makes logical sense.

Until you’ve genuinely rearranged your priorities, or your work / home situation changes, or whatever it is, it doesn’t make sense to half-assedly pursue dating or a relationship for your own ego’s sake, or to tick some box in your head or with your family, friends or ‘everyone’, because ultimately, people are humans with feelings and lives of their own.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog.

The thing is, it’s not your job to open up someone’s schedule or their emotions for that matter.

Sometimes we forget that we’re too old to be waiting for mummy or daddy to come home and make time for us.

It’s also safe to say that we hang around out of fear that if we tell them to jog on, their schedule will magically open up for someone else. To be The Most Perfect Person On Earth TM and/or to have no needs, feelings, opinions etc? If a person doesn’t have time for you they don’t have time for a relationship which means that it can’t progress, it won’t be balanced, consistent, committed (in whatever guise that takes – it doesn’t have to mean marriage) or genuinely intimate, plus over time you will become desensitised to this treatment due to being used to that person (and you) using their super busyness to justify their behaviour and attitude.

That said, if you’re someone who is doing the whole “I don’t have time for dating / a relationship” but saying that you do want one, or are expecting somebody who deserves better (and will probably keep giving you more of their time in the hopes that you’ll change your mind), to basically put up with you throwing them a bone from time to time, and are even justifying inconsiderate or even shady behaviour on your ‘busyness’, it’s time for you to go on a BS Diet.

If you genuinely believe that you don’t have the time to date, then don’t date or certainly don’t give potential partners the impression that you’re up for and are offering more than what you are.




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