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If this isn’t your first breakup, take this opportunity to privately examine whether your relationships are following a pattern, beginning with your first love in second grade who hit you with the teeter-totter.

Do you pick unavailable people and then feel neglected when they’re unavailable?

If you discover that there is nothing the other person can give (or anything you’re willing to relinquish), then that should tell you something.

Similarly, if you’re in a relationship that used to work but has now turned rancid because one of you has moved or changed or cheated, you can’t go back. Breaking up is as important a skill as any other part of dating. The world’s too small a place, and you’re too big a person, so don’t even think about it. .” and no, it isn’t okay to say, “I feel you’re a rat.” This approach is okay only if you follow up with something about yourself, like, “I feel neglected when you work weekend after weekend.” (Of course, if you had been able to say this when you were feeling it, the relationship might not be beyond redemption at this point.) If you’re specific now, at least both of you can look at the data as dispassionately as possible rather than feeling that either of you failed.

Talking to your ex about the patterns you see in yourself isn’t very productive.

And puh-leeeze, under no circumstances, point out the patterns you see in your ex’s behavior.

Remember that it takes a while to get to know someone, and even perfectly nice people can find that there’s no chemistry after some time passes.

Therefore, the relationship wasn’t bad or a failure, and neither party has to be the bad guy or at fault.

It is humanly impossible to go backward in a relationship.The only perspective by which you can evaluate if the relationship made any sense or was a good investment of your time is with time.If you think of every experience as being tuition in the school of life and love, then you can understand that some tuition is higher than others, and some classes are more fun or stick with you longer, or teach you more than others.When her father, my grandfather, got wind of this new turn of events, he sat her down and advised her to go out on that date because, as he reminded her, television is not real life and her future is.To this day, my mother still does not know the identity of the one-armed man and blames her overactive social calendar as the reason why.

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