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And we also have to be willing to expect the same from ourselves. You went on this date to simply ENJOY this person now. You may be willing to overlook red flags, put up with abuse or neglect, or date “down,” all for the purpose of stuffing that void within you. How can you tell if someone has the same belief in loyalty, respect or kindness as you do?You can’t go on a first date and expect to be treated with basic human kindness and respect from someone who is not a kind and respectful person. Remember, when we date, we are not looking for our second half. And if he/she does leave, they weren’t worth it anyway and you were able to hold on to your dignity. The perspective and instincts we have before we get to know someone intimately are amazingly sharp. Because we tend to be ruled by our emotions and our logic goes right out the window. Our logical brain will pick up on abuse, red flags, neglect, shame and general danger. ” This is an extremely unhealthy way to make life decisions. You need a balance of both your head and your heart. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, to seek out the possibility of red flags. And don’t be afraid to walk away if you unearth something that you know in your head and your heart you probably cannot or should not live with if it doesn’t agree with your . Does he or she share the same work ethic, family values, or relgious beliefs? But a recovering love addict is a totally different, unique individual who has to approach dating with far more precaution than the average guy or girl. If you are still emotionally attached to a person, it keeps you safe from having to date someone new, and thus, experience the possibility of new pain and rejection. Many love addicts who still have a person of addiction (Po A) on their brain long after the relationship has ended (this is a torchbearer, by the way) do so not because they still love them or think they will get back together, but as a form of protection.Sure, they “get” you and your insane compulsive thought processes.And yes, they don’t judge your checkered past because they also have one.You can’t go on a first date and expect that a person will call you back for a second date, if that person is not interested. We are not looking to be “completed.” We must begin to understand that we are complete, as is. Online dating sites are a petrie dish of toxicity for the love addict. Because they are filled with three things: the hope of instant gratification (finding someone with one click), the promotion of fantasy-based exchanges (when you don’t have a clear picture of someone you are free to “fill in the blanks” and create what you want that person to be), and the almost complete removal of the crucial human necessity to judge someone realistically, in person, FIRST, before getting emotionally attached to them. More than that, it might save you from obsessing more than you would if you have sex. I am convinced that every red flag a person might have pops up on the first or second date, if we really pay attention. Our logical brains are screaming at us to leave a bad relationship. Trouble is, because we have been off balance for so many years, we need the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction. Where does he or she stand on marriage, affairs, children, parenting, age, eating, working out, drugs, sex, intimacy and so on.

And if you do decide to date someone with a history of drug or alcohol use, there are a number of signs you must watch out for in order to make sure your new partner is living up to his or her promises of sobriety.

In the beginning of the relationship I was told, “If you relapse, I’m out of here.” That morphed into, “If you ever relapse, I will find you and kill you.” And that finally became, “You’re never going to relapse again, right?

Promise me.”The reality is, I hope I don’t, but I don’t know.

You may even fantasize about the hot guy or girl at the office who gave you a “look.” But when it really comes down to it, and the question gets popped (), some of us are simply not ready, emotionally, mentally or physcially. You know when the idea of dating doesn’t scare the hell out of you to the point where you simply cannot make the date, when it sounds “scary” but exciting too, when you don’t curl up into a ball and start crying hysterically after a first date because all you can think about is your ex, when you start to feel comfortable around strangers (not 100% but enough to have the courage to do so), and when being alone is not a bad thing, but you’re ready for something new…

In this latter case, the person is not ready to date. And while a date may have elements of all those things IF there’s chemistry and attraction, don’t get too hung up on the chemistry and attraction. Someone finds you physically attractive (or you find them physically attractive, or both), and they want to get to know you a bit more. It might be fun but it might be awkward; it might make you happy, but it might make him never want to call back. Your first date will most likely not look like the fantasy you’ve created in your head. If you go into a date looking for your soulmate, you will probably be sorely disappointed. Because you’re expectations are far too high for an unsuspecting stranger who doesn’t know what you want or need and basically owes you nothing but a little common courtesy–that’s about as much as can be expected on a first date.




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