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Negative traits are minimized or ignored or rationalized. " The person who says that may have played tennis once or twice and sort of liked it, but in the romantic phase only the positive is remembered and many hours of fun and pleasure playing tennis are eagerly anticipated. " Neither one will see that they are still focusing on "sameness".

Wounds and Adaptations are softened and soothed and minimized during this bonding phase. The person is not lying or deliberately exaggerating; in the romantic stage while on "drugs", that is a genuine expression of the present experience. Even the "sophisticated" couple is not immune to this phenomenon. The enchantment or romantic stage is necessary, but temporary.

Since they do not know what to do when that happens, they move back into the Parallel Relationship.

The good news for these couples is that in the latter years of their marriage, usually after the children are in college or remarried, there tends to be a period of rapprochement.

Someone concludes that they have made a selection error, they feel the despair of the Power Struggle and decide to end the relationship.

76% of them will try again, hopefully making a better choice. Up to 90% of the couples who stay together report their marriages as "unsatisfactory" but choose to stay together for a variety of reasons, ranging from religious values, family values, wanting to keep the family together, financial stressors, etc.

How long the romantic stage lasts seems to depend on how much time the couple spends with each other and the amount of "woundedness" or "baggage" the individuals bring to the relationship.

We need to start seeing this as normal and desirable, not an indicator of a bad relationship.

There is truly something wonderful about this first phase of being in love.

In the "enchantment" phase there is a lot of laughter, playfulness, affection and sexual energy.

For marriage that last, the satisfaction starts high, drops to low as the Power Struggle starts.

It stays low throughout the parallel marriage and then rises again in the latter part, again usually after the children are out of the home.




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